Rage Against The X Factor


You all know about this. I’ll keep it brief.

There’s a campaign (hereafter called #RATM4XMAS) to get Rage Against The Machine‘s 1992 track “Killing In The Name” to Christmas number one.

It’s not a direct attack on Simon Cowell or the X Factor or little Joe McElderry; it’s an attack on the lack of choice and the lack of representation for fans of real music.

Normally what happens is that everyone buys the music they like, and that includes people who like and buy X Factor music. But many more people don’t like the X Factor and believe that it is unoriginal, lowest common denominator humiliationtainment.

How can people who feel that way make an impact and get their voices heard? By grouping together and choosing a song that says “Anything but X Factor”. Otherwise, they would buy anything but X Factor and therefore X Factor would be the number one. Divide and conquer, if you will.

What the #RATM4XMAS campaign achieves is the opposite. People get together and challenge the smug notion that winning X Factor automatically leads to Christmas number one. Unite and fight.

Some people are asking why did they choose this song? I would ask why not. It is a great rebel rock song. And at the moment, this song is “Anything but X Factor”.

Some people are saying that it’s a shame for poor Joe McElderry to deny him of his Christmas number one. Surely, that’s the point. Number one does not belong to him or Simon Cowell or anyone. It belongs to the people. Hey, buy whoever’s record you want. It’s a free country. For now.

Some are saying that the X Factor song raises money for charity. Well, so does the Rage Against The Machine song. The organisers have raised nearly £50k for Shelter so far. Also, CompareDownload are donating their affiliate link money to Shelter. And Tom Morello says that the band are honoured that their song was chosen, not because they want the money, in fact they are giving all their profits from this to UK charity Youth Music.

Lastly, some point to the fact that because Rage Against The Machine are signed to Epic, which is part of Sony Music, as is Syco, Simon Cowell’s company, that somehow Simon Cowell will benefit from people buying Rage Against The Machine. He won’t. He is not happy at all. He wants his Christmas number one and he believes that it is his right. How wrong he is.

Here are the band themselves, (who didn’t organise this themselves in a vain attempt to get rich, and let’s face it they won’t get rich on this, when Amazon are selling it for 29p), performing the song live on Radio 5Live on 17th December 2009:

You can have a look at the #RATM4XMAS Facebook page here: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?v=info&gid=2228594104 or if this is down, which it seems to be on a regular basis, because Facebook can’t cope (no conspiracy theories here) then go here: http://www.ratm.co.uk/

You can check who will be number one as things stand here: http://www.livehits.co.uk/

You can donate to the #RATM4XMAS Shelter campaign here: http://www.justgiving.com/ratm4xmas

If you want to buy the Rage Against The Machine song, go ahead. It’s a free country. For now.



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The Church Is On Fire

Exhibit A

Harry Hill’s TV Burp this Saturday featured the shock Emmerdale storyline about the church being on fire, causing many people in the village to exclaim “THE CHURCH IS ON FIRE!”:


Exhibit B

And on this weekend’s X Factor we said “ciao” (as in bye bye) to Jamie Archer, the one who did “Sex On Fire” by Kings of Leon for his audition:



Presumably that leaves young Jamie free next weekend to appear on TV Burp singing a special rendition of the song, cleverly changing the lyrics to “Oooh, the church is on fire”.

Positive reactions, etc?


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FollowFriday Videos

There have been some great #followfriday videos recently (not including mine, which are derivative and pointless, obviously), notably from @diaryofaledger and @tylermassey (as ever!), so I thought I would collect a few here. As well as having the coolest people on Twitter in them, they are pretty sweet. Feel free to add links to other #followfriday videos or suggest other such videos. Enjoy!

#followfriday by @diaryofaledger

@_3_’s 2nd #followfriday – “Once More With Intensity”

@tylermassey’s #followfriday 06/11

@_3_’s 1st #followfriday – ” ガ ッ ツ だ ぜ “

@tylermassey’s #followfriday “Beatle Edition”

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Computer Error Haiku

Microsoft have announced that they will replace their current unhelpful error messages with Haiku poetry error messages. Haiku is a form of Japanese poetry, consisting of 17 moras (or on), in three metrical phrases of 5, 7, and 5 moras respectively. They are used to communicate a timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity.

Here are some of the new-style error messages.

The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold everything!
But still we cannot.

Having been erased,
The document you’re seeking
Must now be retyped.

10,000 Things
How long do any persist?
Explorer is gone.

Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

The code was willing!
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot
Order will return.

Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

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The Golden Age of Video by Ricardo Autobahn

This video is made of win. Full lyrics and sources below…


Lyrics (Script?)

We accept her, one of us, we accept her, one of us!
Gooble gobble gooble gobble!
We accept her, we accept her!
We accept her, one of us, we accept her, one of us!
Gooble gobble gooble gobble!
We accept her, we accept her! (Freaks)

(We-we) we came, we saw, we kicked its ass, (Ghostbusters)
I was testing you – and you passed, (School of Rock)
Dental plan! Lisa needs braces, (The Simpsons)
Be required to fart on a regular basis, (South Park)
I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse, (The Godfather)
Channel 13 – Eyewitness news!
Robocop, who is he?
Dead or alive you’re coming with me. (Robocop)

In a hurry to be fed, beady eyes and big blue head. (Sesame Street) <– vid clip 😀

I’m telling the truth Doc, you gotta believe me, (Back to the Future)
Why does everything I whip leave me? (The Simpsons Movie)
My beautiful chocolate! Candy is dandy, (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)
Fava beans and a nice Chianti, (Silence of the Lambs)
You can count on Slippery Pete, (Seinfeld)
Suicide will be nice and neat! (Back to the Future)
I didn’t build the Panama canal, (Night at the Museum)
Open the pod bay doors please, HAL, (2001: A Space Odyssey)

These aren’t the droids you’re looking for,
These aren’t the droids we’re looking for, (Star Wars)
I am not a number I am a free man! (The Prisoner)
Rosebud. (Citizen Kane)
To The Idiotmobile! (Seinfeld)
Right away Michael, (Knight Rider)
I-I-I-I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. (The Prisoner)

We came, we saw, we kicked its ass, (Ghostbusters)
You don’t understand I coulda had class, (On the Waterfront)
Round and tasty on a bun, (Sesame Street)
Ooh Zippy look what you’ve done! (Rainbow)
Finally! Cast off those lines! (Pirates of the Caribbean)
No, I’ve been nervous lots of times, (Airplane)
Red Rum! What’s the matter honey? (The Shining)
Just robbed Boss Hogg all of his money! (The Dukes of Hazzard)

We came, we saw, we kicked its ass, (Ghostbusters)
Writing checks your body can’t cash, (Top Gun)
I was elected to lead, not read, (The Simpsons Movie)
I feel the need – the need for speed, (Top Gun)
Watch out for snakes, (Mystery Science Theater 3000)
a good man’s loafer, (The Man Who Knew Too Little)

HQ – my hat looks like a muffin – over, (Mystery Science Theater 3000)
My god it’s full of stars, (2001: A Space Odyssey)
There was no driver in the car.. (The Car)

In the car (repeat)

Well you see I’m in hot pursuit! (The Dukes of Hazzard)

There are only two things I love in this world – everybody and television! (30 Rock)
♫ The Simpsons ♫ (The Simpsons)
Ugh – you must be shrooming, (Family Guy)
Wait for me Moomin! (The Moomins)
Cross live to meet the host of that show, Meat Boy, (The Micallef Program)
I want to go to there. (30 Rock)

We came, we saw, we kicked its ass, (Ghostbusters)
An oil tycoon – like a.. moustache, (Starsky & Hutch)
Nice beaver! I just had it stuffed, (The Naked Gun)
I don’t give a shit, close enough, (Blow)
Where’s me washboard? I’ll get me coat, (The Fast Show)
Y-y-y-you’re gonna need a bigger boat, (Jaws)
What’d she say? I think she bought it, (Anchorman)
Suck it monkeys! I’m goin’ corporate! (30 Rock)
C’mon let’s take a drive! A drive? (Cars)
Number 5 is alive! (Short Circuit)
It’s only a laugh, no harm done, (It Couldn’t Happen Here)
Pickles, french fries, yum yum yum, (Sesame Street)
Bueller, Bueller, Bueller, (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off)
It’s 2 degrees cooler, (Good Morning, Vietnam)
The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long, (Blade Runner)
Six words in the whole song. (This is Spinal Tap)

We-we-we accept her, one of us, we accept her, one of us!
Gooble gobble gooble gobble!
We accept her, we accept her! (Freaks)
You are number 6 (The Prisoner) 5 (Short Circuit) 4 3 2 (sources needed)
I am not a number, I am a free man (The Prisoner)

We came, we saw, we kicked its ass, (Ghostbusters)
Give me my 20,000 in cash, (The Big Lebowski)
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass, (Ghostbusters)
I think you woke up the dead with that blast (Back to the Future)
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass, (Ghostbusters)
I think fast, I talk fast, (Pulp Fiction)
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass, (Ghostbusters)
Lois, this is not my Batman glass. (Family Guy)


The Golden Age Of Video is a promotional device for the forthcoming untitled Ricardo Autobahn album. Video directed, produced and edited by Rev. Diva Schematic. Download mp3 of the song.

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Calm down dear, it’s only a Tweet

It’s been quite a high-tension week in Twitter-land. Stephen Fry (@stephenfry) has been getting quite depressed:

He’s even talking about leaving Twitter:

And it’s all Richard’s (@brumplum) fault:

Although he did later apologise:

Stephen won’t have seen his apology, having blocked him. Stephen did manage to release a little tongue-lashing on poor unsuspecting Richard, mind:

So, what’s happening here? Could it be that celebrities such as Stephen Fry are confusing Twitter with real life? And maybe people have realised that they can hide behind a cloak of relative anonymity to bruise celebrity egos. I could easily write something hurtful or hateful to a celebrity on Twitter, but what would be the point?

Equally, I could do the same in real life, but (a) I wouldn’t have the guts and (b) I don’t actually mix in the sort of circles where I encounter celebrities. (I did once encounter Chris Morris at the bar of a theatre in London during the interval of a performance of “Art”, but what could I say to him apart from “Fact me ‘til I fart”?)

So my advice in this situation is this: @stephenfry: Don’t confuse Twitter with real life and don’t think for a moment that because one person deliberately writes something with the intention of you reading it that we all agree with them. There will be many others (several hundred thousand in your case) who like you, respect you, enjoy your tweets, but don’t write to you to tell you that, because, well it’s not the “done thing” is it, paying people too many compliments, it would go to your head.

And to @brumplum: What was the point of telling @stephenfry that you found his tweets boring? My mother taught me that if I didn’t have anything nice to say, then not to say anything at all. In this case, that would have been the better policy. Nobody can please everybody all of the time, not even Stephen Fry. If you find his tweets boring, just unfollow him or don’t read them. I can see that you’ve apologised and understand that Stephen did over-react, but there was just no need in the first place. I hope Stephen’s fans don’t treat you like Scott Baio’s fans treat the “haters”. (See below.)

Comedy writer and Twitter activist Graham Linehan (@Glinner) has already made his opinions clear on this sort of thing:

As has comedian and writer Richard Herring (@Herring1967):

In this case, the culprit was Paul Carr (@Paul_Carr), who wrote something about Richard’s podcasting co-host Andrew Collins (@CollingsA), something along the line of him being boring, as I recall, (it has since been deleted by its author), but again in this instance, the person involved apologised and thought they were being funny:

So, what shall we say? I can’t help but agree with Graham and Richard. There’s just no point whatsoever in using your newfound proximity to celebrities to goad them by saying things about them which are only designed to hurt them.

In the case of the two individuals whom Graham Linehan blocked, they weren’t directing their insults at him, but he felt offended on their behalf enough to block them. The same could happen to you. And so it should. What’s the point?

I respect Graham and Richard for their stance on such matters, but I do not respect Scott Baio (@RealScottBaio), (I don’t know what he’s famous for, but he appears to be a minor celebrity).

He managed to leverage the power of his following to get someone locked out of their Twitter account. I will spare you the gory details, but if you search for “realscottbaio plz blk” on Twitter, you’ll get the idea. Someone calls him to account on a couple of irregularities in his tax affairs, and he just instructs his followers to block his accuser.

Maybe Twitter isn’t the forum for such things, but telling your followers to block someone, which leads to their account getting locked by Twitter, is an abuse of power. Remember what Uncle Ben says to Spiderman: “With great power comes great responsibility.”

If you don’t like what someone says to you, you can block them. But if you seek to silence those who disagree with you or say inconvenient or uncomfortable things, then you seek to remove free speech.

And that’s not groovy. Look out for each other, Tweeple.

Quick update: The story has now made the BBC News website.

Second quick update: Stephen Fry is feeling much better, thanks, and seems to have forgiven our hapless young mite:

And they’ve kissed and made up:

Last update (hopefully): The matter is now closed, according to BBC News:

Lastly a Comedy Ending, from @Glinner:



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Goodbye and Good Riddance to Free Evening Newspapers in London

So, only a month after thelondonpaper said tatty-byes, we now have the joyous news that the other free evening rag London Lite is also buggering off. Good riddance! What was “Lite” about it anyway? American spelling aside, what were they trying to convey with a name like that? I don’t think they were trying to declare that their organ was going to be a bastion of insightful editorial and the unwavering vanguard of the Fourth Estate.

No, this was the title that boldly claimed to be printed with ink that didn’t come off on one’s hands; it was also printed with articles that didn’t come off on one’s mind. Their shamelessly content-free nonsense will not be missed by me; they simply acted as carriers for advertisements that people gladly picked up because they were disguised as newspapers. That and they enjoyed doing the Sudoku while trapped on the Northern Line.

I hope now that my daily walk to the tube station on the streets of London will return to the serene journeys they once were, without the need to constantly avoid those ubiquitous free-vendors (frendors?) thrusting their advertorials at me, declaring “Free paper!”.

Having no more need to fight my way past these obstructions, equally the Underground trains will no longer be littered with these sadly discarded publications. Easy come, easy go. Surely nobody believed the lie that they were somehow doing other people a favour by kindly leaving it for them on the tube after having read it and sneezed into it. No, this was littering, plain and simple. They even started to print advertisements pointing out this fact, but these people would have just sneezed onto the advert and carried on regardless.

And once again our beloved but crowded tube trains will return to being the cattle carriages that they once were, the aisles being for the benefit of people standing and not as an extension of the reading rooms of commuters wielding their “thelondonLitepapers” awkwardly, trying to pretend that this isn’t the only newspaper they’ve ever read apart from their Mum’s Daily Mail or Dad’s Telegraph when they go to their parents’ house.

What surprises me is how quickly this has happened: thelondonpaper has only been gone since September and the Evening Standard has only been free for two weeks, after a brief trial of the free-vend model. Having said that, it is owned and run by a Russian ex-spy and we know the Russians despatch their rivals quickly and efficiently.

I expect the Evening Standard to put their cover price back up again, maybe to 60p to really strike fear in the hearts of any other would-be competitors, and we can forget about the whole silly free paper nonsense and move on. If you want to read a newspaper, you pay for it, and if you don’t you don’t. Besides, and I am certainly not on any green bandwagon or anything, but it can’t be good for the enviro- oh you get the idea.

So that was the free newspaper revolution in London. Hello, goodbye. Easy come, easy go.

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